I know that I frequently post sweet pictures like this of my kids and write about how much I love them and how cool they are and generally gush over them like a loving mother should.I would like to write a post like that today. It would do me good.
However, today, I was ever so happy to see the two jerks I am raising get on the school bus and leave me in peace for 8 hours.
Yes, I just called them names. They don't read the blog. And honestly, this morning, it's less than they probably deserve.
I spent the morning getting two lippy, rude, disrespectful monsters ready for school. It was a miserable task that somehow included arguments over whether it was fair that they had to do any type of basic chores, whether I would let them wear dirty clothes to school (which included, most happily, an accusation that I just don't do their laundry often enough), and when I was going to bake something they actually liked for breakfast.
And then I turned into Rodney Dangerfield and started shaking my fist and muttering about how I get no respect, no respect at all!
Beyond that, once I had them outside, they had a huge screaming fight with each other, which I tried to referee with no success at all. They just. wouldn't. stop. They both got on the bus crying. I'm sure it was mortifying for them. And it served them right.
What was so serious that it could have caused this sibling war? You see, the boy made these finger puppets at school. And the girl had them in her possession. She insisted, screaming nastily with red-faced angry tears, that he gave them to her to "keep them safe". The boy, screaming nastily with red-faced angry tears insists that "she stole them".Heaven help me.
Trying desperately not to scream nastily with red-faced angry tears, I confiscated said puppets, told them they were being ridiculous, watched the bus drive away with my two very upset children, and came inside to recover from all the unpleasantness.
Not our best morning, this.
I think today after school will make a perfect time to ban T.V. and teach them how to do their own laundry. Like a loving mother should.
Update: Not 10 minutes after I posted this, the girl called from the principal's office to tell me that she had been chosen as the outstanding student of the day for all of her good deeds and sweetness. Who's the jerk now? Why, it's me, Rodney Dangerfield.
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10 comments:
Laughing my arse off right now. It's those moments when you're tempted to walk into the house, dig a lighter out of the junk drawer, and burn the finger puppets. Am I right? And the update makes it even better!
This might be some of the best writing on parenthood I've seen in quite some time.
I'm simply dying from entertainment, mostly because I identify with exactly what you're saying.
I almost threw those puppets right into the woodstove, but I decided to wait, because it would have more effect if the kids had to watch. Now that I've cooled off, I probably won't do that, but dear Lord.
It's so comforting to know that this poop happens to everyone.
uhm. just. so you know.
we did this. all the time. to mom.
xoxo
your dumb little brother.
ps. i want my finger puppets back.
you bitch.
You can't have them Zac. I burnt yours years ago.
Oh, it's one of those wonderful days of parenting that we blogging moms are brave enough to write about --- real stuff. It is funny cause it happens to all of us mothers. Every now and then are sweethearts become jerks!
haha.... awesome. :)
Taunt them......keep the finger puppets in a clear plastic bag on top of the fridge so that they see them and make it clear they have to get along before you will release them.
I miss those days.....FYI, there will always be new "finger puppets"
Too FUNNY! There are many days my daughter tells me she is glad she is an only child. (She sees her two cousins fight with each other a lot).
I do however feel for the bus driver who had to "inherit" the kids for a while. :)
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