Jimmy Buffett said that. At least, according to at least two moderately reliable online quote clearinghouse websites, Jimmy Buffett said that. Jimmy Buffett also sings some really great songs. I like these in particular:
We're working out some things about our future. We're trying to figure out a way to start running this farm, rather than having it run us. Because some days it feels a bit more like a forced ultra-marathon than the grand adventure we'd rather it was. I've never been so confused about what the best path might be. I didn't imagine that it would get harder to make big decisions as I got older. I suppose I always thought that with age would come wisdom. But so far, age has brought only gray hairs and worsening eyesight. As far as wisdom goes, I'm sure I know less now than I used to.
Since I've started quoting entertainers, I'm just going to keep it up with one of my favorites, from Will Rogers, which is:
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
I've stalled out. Or burned out. Or something. It does feel a bit like we're just sitting here on the tracks, waiting for the train to run us over. We need decisive action. Smart, productive, decisive action. And all I can do is waffle and fret and worry. It's not like me.
(It's a little like me, actually, but times 10).
Is this because I'm almost 40? Am I about to go off the rails and get a spray tan and buy a flashy convertible and move to Spain? I'm going to mix myself a boat drink and think that one over for a while.
I need help. Anyone want to inspire me with some of your own "I made a big decision and it turned out okay" stories? Goodness knows I'd appreciate any inspiration I can get.
5 comments:
today was a difficult day, and I am in no shape to make any sort of decision other than when to shut off the computer so I can relate to this. If you are burned out, get rest. THEN ponder your options.
Claire, you should go back and read your blog from this time of year for the past several years. You're burned out because you're at the end of the season, and you're exhausted. Burn-out is totally cyclical--especially for someone who works as hard as you do during the high time. I can totally relate--I get that way on teaching at the end of camp season, and on acting at the end of any string of shows.
Girl Detective is right. Rest (and that may mean in November), and evaluate your options after you've had a few weeks off. Maybe think about what you want to do in early December, when you've got a clearer head about it all.
I don't have the answer about how to make the farm work for you rather than vice versa, but I can tell you that actors--most artists, I suspect--struggle with this same problem their whole lives. How do I have a *life* that includes acting, rather than just endlessly chase an acting career until I'm dead? I don't know. I just keep trying new things and then re-evaluating them every so often. If you find the answer for the farm, call me and tell me what it is so I can try and apply it to acting!
Hugs and kisses to you!
I keep myself growing (on a much smaller scale, of course) by telling myself terrifying stories of fragile world economics, just-in-time food delivery systems, the alarmingly high chance of a lights-out electromagnetic storm and the decline and fall of oil production. I don't recommend it as a motivational factor. Fear is a terrible thing to base decisions on. So then I started asking myself what gave me joy. And growing and being more self-sufficient absolutely does. Eva's very wise. Wait until harvest is a week or two behind you before you even try to figure the next step out.
I'm a huge believer of the the still small voice within, and I know that in me, I can lose track of it if I am believing or operating based on beliefs that are contradictory and untrue.
So if it were me, I would take some time after harvest and sit down with a pen and paper and ask myself some questions. (I think you could get great results from meditation, or asking for dream insight, if you leaned that way, but I think this is quicker and more direct)
I love Byron Katie's work and I use her four questions a lot to help me sort out the untruth within stressful thinking.
I'd sit down and start writing down as many statements as come to mind about the farm and farming. I might ask myself why do I have to keep farming (the "have to" part will generally bring up the stressful, fear based thinking. There are, of course, lovely reasons to keep farming and they may not come up with that question, but if they're not stressful, no need to work through them and see them as false!)
And maybe I'd ask myself questions about why I have to do what feels like the hardest parts of this job of farming, to break it down a bit.
Once you have a good long list of thoughts about the farm and farming, I'd start working my way through them and asking myself some variation of Katie's four questions: is it true? Can I absolutely know this is true? How do I feel and behave when I believe this thought? (Think this question over several times, really imagine your mental state, your actions, your thought processes, when you're convinced this statement is true. Feel what it feels like to believe this though as completely as you can) then the final question, who would I be if I could never think this thought again? (that, again may take a bit of time to sink in, but imagine that it's physically impossible to have this thought and imagine yourself in your daily life if you can't think it. how would you feel, what might you do, how would you treat others.)The final step is to reverse the sentence you've written down in as many places as possible (is for isn't, me for you or them, positive adjective for negative adjective) and ask yourself if the opposite could be as true or truer.
It's cool work and super helpful for me in sorting out flawed thinking that is keeping me from hearing clearly what I want to do.
However you go about it (I'm partial to asking for dream advice as well. Much easier than sitting down and writing that much) Eva is right, it's not anything to worry about now.
On a more prosaic level, I do think moving towards joy is always a good thing. Maybe there will be ways that you can reshape your growing activities so that you don't feel so overwhelmed and can stay in touch with the joy of shepherding the miracle that is plants growing food for us to eat (and flowers. They're a miracle too)
And on a super practical level, there's Kickstarter, if you need to finance some farm equipment that will make the job less crazy-making for you.
Thanks for the chin ups, ladies. I'm okay. Just, you know, tired. :)
Claire, I know tired too. And I don't even have kids, just a small herd of cows and bulls to keep fed and watch over. Eva's advice is good and I should take it, too. The enjoyable parts of what we do are sometimes overrun by the tedium, the backbreaking work, the long hours. You are such an inspiration to me. Hoo-rah.
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